Some of you who know me, but don't know me well, who read this blog, may have to pick yourself off the floor now. Yes, I have told you the truth. This is a fact about myself that I don't easily share. My pride is at stake. However, I'm realizing that by hiding this fact from my casual friends, I'm not just protecting myself, I'm hiding the fact of the great saving and sanctifying power of my Savior.
You see, this life event played a major role in showing me the greatness of my sin, and in turn the greatness of my Savior. For so long, I lived a "good guy" life. I grew up in the church. I never did alcohol or cigarettes. I didn't try drugs. I didn't sleep around. I made good grades. I didn't truly see my need for a savior. However, I wouldn't have said that because I knew that was the wrong thing to say. But that was the only reason why. I won't go into all the details except to say that there was much sin leading up to and proceeding my marriage breakup. So much "big" sin in fact, that I question whether my profession of Christ at sever years old was genuine. Honestly, at this point, it doesn't matter. That is because I know now without a doubt that I am saved. You see, God used all the sin I had immersed myself in to show me my sinful heart and to show me my need for Him. So, in some way, I am thankful for the Lord leading me through those days, because without them, I never would have seen my dark heart. For me, it took big sins for me to see my need for a big Savior. Yet at the same time, I wish I would have done so many things differntly and that I would have been humble enough to see my sin without having to sin so big. This era in my life still causes many difficulties and heartaches. However, we have a sovereingn God who works together all things for good, and I trust God, that Daniel, Jacob and Joseph will also see the greatness of their savior despite the frailty of their dad.