Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Monday, April 21, 2008

I Don't Want to Be Bad

The other night, Nolan(6) and Gideon(4), were making quite the rucus in their room. They had been warned numerous times to settle down. As I walked into the room for probably the third time to correct them, I began to talk with Gideon, telling him that he was behaving badly. Well, I'm not one to worry about ruining my kids self esteem. Instead I worry about their soul being damned to hell. So, I decided to speak more theologically to my boys. I told Gideon that he was bad. Gideon wasn't too happy about this, but Nolan was extremely disturbed. Nolan decided to come to his brother's defense..."No, Giddy! You're not bad, you're good!". Well, at this point I was all the more determined to really do my best to speak to my boy's hearts. I shifted to up to Nolan on the top bunk. "Yes, Nolan, Gideon is bad and so are you!", I told him. I said this all in a calm manner. Now, Gideon shifted his concern from Gideon to himself. "Nooooo!!" he wailed. I quietly explained to him that the way he was diliberately disobeying his parents, that I was very concerned for his heart. I told him that because he couldn't obey, that I had no other possible conclusion other than he was bad. This tore at his little heart. "I know" he cried. Then, he said the words that gave my heart a reason to rejoice...."I don't want to be bad". What a moment. Tears began to fill my own eyes. I gently told him that if he didn't want to be bad, then he was going to have to ask God to help him. And so we did. Then I did the same thing with Gideon, although I'm not sure his heart was affected in the same way. My heart now rejoices because this is the first time I've seen our Nolan with an aggravation toward his sin. Please pray that God will continue to draw him and bring him into His kingdom.
Now, some of you out there, may think I'm a terrible parent because I told my kid that he was bad. I feel like I would not have been a good parent if I had not told my kid about the true condition of his heart. I want our children to really understand their heart's condition. I don't want my children to make some half hearted confession of faith or to say some prayer just because that's what they are supposed to do. I want my kids to feel desperate. I want them to have a sense of God's wrath and anger toward their sin. I want them to fully see there need for a savior. This, is what I'm hoping is beginning to happen with Nolan.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I'm a divorcee and I have three more boys...(A Testimony)

Some of you who know me, but don't know me well, who read this blog, may have to pick yourself off the floor now. Yes, I have told you the truth. This is a fact about myself that I don't easily share. My pride is at stake. However, I'm realizing that by hiding this fact from my casual friends, I'm not just protecting myself, I'm hiding the fact of the great saving and sanctifying power of my Savior.
You see, this life event played a major role in showing me the greatness of my sin, and in turn the greatness of my Savior. For so long, I lived a "good guy" life. I grew up in the church. I never did alcohol or cigarettes. I didn't try drugs. I didn't sleep around. I made good grades. I didn't truly see my need for a savior. However, I wouldn't have said that because I knew that was the wrong thing to say. But that was the only reason why. I won't go into all the details except to say that there was much sin leading up to and proceeding my marriage breakup. So much "big" sin in fact, that I question whether my profession of Christ at sever years old was genuine. Honestly, at this point, it doesn't matter. That is because I know now without a doubt that I am saved. You see, God used all the sin I had immersed myself in to show me my sinful heart and to show me my need for Him. So, in some way, I am thankful for the Lord leading me through those days, because without them, I never would have seen my dark heart. For me, it took big sins for me to see my need for a big Savior. Yet at the same time, I wish I would have done so many things differntly and that I would have been humble enough to see my sin without having to sin so big. This era in my life still causes many difficulties and heartaches. However, we have a sovereingn God who works together all things for good, and I trust God, that Daniel, Jacob and Joseph will also see the greatness of their savior despite the frailty of their dad.

T4G thoughts

I'm not going to say much except how wonderful it was to spend a couple of days just hearing, thinking and talking about the gospel. There is so much that could be said, but still three days out, I'm still trying to catch my breath. I've downloaded all of the sermons and will be listening to them again this week.